the colors of my unpredictable day;
in this mind of complication,
controlling the tone in which i speak,
the words creeping through my veins,
wishing the worst toll upon the breath i take in.

Dreaming to feel a release of pain,
a release of infinite mind destruction.
it's not my fault..it's not.
but who could believe the struggle?
take serious the actions i express,
when i doubt the acceptation of myself.

who can be confident in me,
when i am oh so unstable.

feels like I found a place where I belong,
a place where I'm part of something.
Som.ething meaningful and real.
Raw.
A wake-up call, a new feeling.
ever meet one of those people that just knows:
what it's like
what hurts
what twists around in your soul?
someone that just starts talking about how they feel
and they seem to be inside your head?
someone who just gets you without having to be there
for the past 20 years of your life.
someone you meet and you feel like its inevitable.
someone who just makes you feel less alone,
a part of something,
meaningful and real.
raw.
and I'm thinking to myself now:
where would I be if you hadn't come a long?

Now I don't have to pretend again.

ive given up on love and feeling and being,
ive given up on being me and my changing life.
is this just a break free?
or numbness to creep to a breakdown?
i believe in living and having good nights,
being with the people i love and doing things i want to do.
living, breathing, going crazy occasionally.
but experiencing..
but why must it feel so wrong,
but so good to do?

Pushing everything aside to just get by.
left and right to intensify the pressure.
lost and on point.
here and unconscious.
barred and free.
high and dark
grey and peaceful
crazy and neutral.
boring,dumb, broken and beaten, but content in being nothing.

oh can't do anything right concerning you.
trip and fall when i was just picking up some pieces.
but games and lies i just can't do,
running around just worrying over you.
There's more to life than a childhood crush,
more to me that you could never touch.

Cant reach the bottom. The top. The middle?
Who can tell me where to go when I dont know where
I want to be.
Where I want to go.

Im numb and lost
Nothing becomes the satisfaction I need
But what can I reach for if
I have no sense to reach.
Reach? What am I needing more than this?

Empty holes with reopened skin
Lies and confusion
The stuggle to find an emotion you cant understand.
And you want me to reach? Move forward?
not give up?

You want me to not drown.
In the search for something worth feeling
Something to move to
Get lost in.
What makes me lose my thoughts
Lose my will. Lose my will
What is so numb inside?

And you want me to be okay?
Cant you feel the change in me?
I just need something to mean something
Will the time come that I wont be restricted from this pain
And breathe to live?
Live to Die?
just feel and desire..

Sometimes I wish you stayed,
Wish youd ask me to stay.
Not just because I dont want to be alone
But because I am with you.
But I like that, and the feeling takes over
Levels levels out into happiness.
Too bad the times have been lost
To a worried change of mind addiction
But holding me felt so oh right.
In the moment whatever today brings.
In what we make it and chose to be and do.
All between me and you.
No worries of sorry goodbyes
Were just separate from the norm passing time
Healing one another
Bringing out a new face to eachother.
Were just a moment in time,
And im just living life playing time.
No worries of sorry goodbyes.
Im just a little piece of your time.

tumbling tumbling down I fall,
down I crawl.
I just want to be left alone. be around but ignored.
I don't want the attention, or excitement.
It's just that kind of colored day.

I'm content in being alone.
accepted the fact that no one can truly understand but one.
but the rest tend to leave me alone.
but I'm used to being alone, learned to want it more.

Tumbling down I Fall,
controlled, and told.
pressured, and measured.
judged, and wronged.
bare, and unstable.